I thought about hazing the blog tonight with one of my morbid blackberry wine posts. There are times when I mourn the loss of all those posts, and then feel relieved… because now I have a chance to start fresh.
So tonight I’m drinking Sandeman Porto, my favorite port ever… which I have been looking up and down aisles for… forever! My roommate used to keep a bottle hidden under the sink in a dish soap box when we were in college… and we had little shot glasses after loading the dishwasher.
Funny, I thought picking something from that time would make tonight… happier. But I still turned emo after a few sips, and filled my msn with sad thoughts and desperate pleas for attention.
Now I’m letting it out on my blog.
Life sucks right now. In this exact moment.
But it’ll get better…
And maybe tomorrow, the port will make me smile instead of cry.
Much love, and thanks to each and every one of you.
I ate entirely to much at the family Memorial Day Barbecue today. My Mom made ribs, coleslaw, corn on the cob, fruit, potato salad, baked beans, iced tea, and brownies… mmm, everything but the rolls were gluten free. With all the food there I didn’t miss the bread at all. Every family meal gets easier, I have to explain and worry less.
I have to say, living down here around my mother, and Chris’ parents had made the holidays much more enjoyable. Every week it seems like there’s something going on with one side of the family, or both.
A bunch of people from work dropped by the bbq to eat and play with bunnies, so I didn’t take pictures. Instead, I thought I’d share a few from Easter… Yeah, a little bit late… sorry!
2 months ago tomorrow I took a small series of photos of my baby sister, who was expecting her first child. He was born 10 days later, and has added something special and new to the house we all share. I know it’s about two months late, but I wanted to share the pictures of her…
Every day she says it feels like a lifetime has passed since Liam was born. In that “lifetime” I’ve watched Becky changed in many, unmeasurable ways. One of them being them being her belly… It’s shrunk.
And her heart has grown. Love you, kiddo.
You can see the other few pictures from this shoot here.
These squirrels were a highlight of a recent trip to the Eugene/Springfield area. It’s a family of 4, plus Mom… living in a telephone pole across the street from my inlaws.
My father in law is almost impossible to get a picture of…
but I did.
My husband looks so much like his mother…
We went to Eugene with my Mom & Stepdad, and spent part of the day with them browsing health food stores for teff flour, which we actually ended up finding in a small store in North Bend… and I got my first taste of Trader Joe’s. Part of the day was spent with Chris’ parents, quietly mourning his Grandma and helping pack.
I don’t know why I love this picture of my Mom so much.
Maybe because it’s me in 20 years?
Everything ended on a good note, bellies full of gluten free mexican food from a small hall in the wall before leaving town. We towed home a freezer and some other miscellaneous things… a few bags of gluten free groceries I have quickly run out of.
I have NO idea what I’m doing here. Obviously.
Driving over the bridge meant we were almost home, and it felt good…
I’m currently eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a large glass of milk. It’s delicious. The bread is soft and warm, the crust crispy and firm… I haven’t had one of these in over a year. It’s been that long. Over a year now, that I’ve been gluten free.
This is the first time I stopped to make myself a childhood treat. By the time I let the yeast activate, knead the dough, let it rise, cook it, and scrape it out of the pan it always sticks to I’m to tired to do much more then devour the broken bits of bread.
Time to go thank my husband for my “new to me” bread machine. Peeling the $6.50 price tag off it was joyous. We scrubbed it out and put it to work today. Flawless bread, without any real work. He knew just what I needed, and went in search of it without me saying a word.
I have a feeling there’s a lot more pb&j in my future. Hooray.
It’s starts out like a full pot of water on a hot burner. Innocent, useful, it has a purpose. And then something happens, and you aren’t paying attention. Soon the water is boiling, splashing over the stove, steam evaporating. Unnoticed. Let to do it as it will. You return to the kitchen and stare at your scorched pan in amazement. How could something so simple as boiling water go so wrong? You swear it will never happen again…
I feel ruined right now. Burned beyond recognition. You can’t scrub this clean. You just toss the pot and start again with more water. Pretend to move beyond the failure and the pain of screwing up what should be easy. Eventually you forget to be wary, you start to trust yourself, leave the pot alone for one moment, and then two… until one day, you’re once again staring, dismayed, at the ruin of yet another…
It hurts. I don’t know if my metaphor makes any sense… but I have to say it. A reminder, perhaps… to never turn my back, no matter how easy or inconsequential. To keep the anger alive.
Tonight though, it’s hate… I hope you know.
I hate you.
maybe someday i’ll be just like you, and
step on people like you do and
run away the people i thought i knew…
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